There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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