we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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