i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
