woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
