I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
