i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
