Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
