HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize