Duck Duck Cougar?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
