he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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