Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
