I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
