A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
