Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
