yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
