so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...