We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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