im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They took my balls.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
