i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
