Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
