I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
