I just made out with a guy for $7.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
time to smoke my breakfast
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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