every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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