he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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