this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
