"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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