His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
