Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
