you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you had me at cake vodka
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
