Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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