I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
