Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
