Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
