My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
