I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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