I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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