afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.