Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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