I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.