There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is my gift to your gina
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.