he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.