Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
