My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
