Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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