I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Found the puke drawer
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
