Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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