I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
