He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
