my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
