Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have fence marks all over my body
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
