Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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