she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
did you just send me my own nude
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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