After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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