It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
