Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
