Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
