if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Operation Purity has been aborted
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
