david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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