Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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