I wannas sexs uuuuu
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
