Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
