glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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